Details
Remembering Starflight's Rebel -"Red" 1992-2021
It's the little things that you miss the most...
When I was going through old hard drives and sifting through old photos I just happened to come across these photos of my beloved horse, Red. I had completely forgotten that I even took these photos one Christmas and was so happy to stumble across them years later. I cried so much when I first found these photos, both tears of happiness and sadness.
Happiness because surprisingly, I don't have many photos of him. Red has been in my life since I was 5 years old and the majority of that time things were not digital and everything was hard copy and film. Many of the photos that I had of him have been lost over the years from many moves.
Sadness because Red suddenly passed away Thanksgiving of 2021... It was a shock to lose someone who has been in my life always, it feels like a huge piece of my soul is missing now. He was more than a horse to me, we grew up together, our difference in age was only 2 years apart and we were always so connected to one another. I even used to run around in the pasture with him on my hands and knees pretending to be a horse. I always told him everything that was going on in my life, he knew all of my secrets, my fears, hopes, and dreams.
When I moved away from home, I didn't get to go and spend as much time with him as I would have liked. But that was my favorite thing about going home to Arizona was going to my grandpa's to visit and to catch Red up on all of my adventures and everything going on. It was one of things I always looked forward to when visiting home. He was always just as excited to see me as I was to see him. I miss the sound of his excited nicker when he would see me, the excited glow in his eyes, and his little head bob. His favorite thing to do was always to rub his big giant head on me (sometimes almost knocking me over). I always gave him the biggest hug, wrapping my arms around his neck and breathing in his very familiar scent. To me he had distinct horsey smell and I think that's one of the things I really miss the most. His short fluffy Quarter Horse ears, brushing through his always tangled mane, and just hugging him and him hugging me back.
I miss him dearly and any photos I find of him I cherish because I am able to relive those special moments we had together. I remember this day and this Christmas. This was the year that my husband bought me my first DSLR camera (that I still use today) and I was so excited to have it for our trip home for the holiday. After opening presents with our families, I went to spend the rest of the morning at my grandpa's with Red. I told him all about how amazing that Christmas had been and was having so much fun showing Red what an amazing model he was being for me to practice with my new camera.
It's hard when I go back home now because sometimes I forget that he's gone and I autopilot over to my grandpa's to see him. It's like my heart breaks all over again when I come to the realization that he's no longer here. I miss him so much and my biggest regret is not being able to spend more time with him over the past few years since moving away from home. Also, not being able to be there to say goodbye... That's one of the hardest things. I tried so hard to get there on time and hoped and prayed that he could hang on for just a little longer. But it was his time...
It's never easy losing a loved one. Time does not heal all wounds it only softens the blow.
I love you and miss you Bubba. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
We will see each other again one day. Run forever free.
